Stupidness: Star Trek pairings & gayness
Nov. 17th, 2007 10:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
foxysquidalsoI'm feeling stupid at work, so I decided to post in my stupidness journal about Star Trek pairings I like! So silly, I knooow. I like romance, what can I say? Ha ha, there are plenty of things I like wherein I don't even care a little bit about the romantic elements, though.
Ha ha, I KNOW NO ONE WILL READ THIS. But if you do, don't take it seriously.
[Um, this kind of (unsurprisingly) turned into a review of Star Trek gayness.]
The Original Series:
First of all, I have a theory about Star Trek writers. My theory is that they have difficulty writing friendships that do not scan as gay. And the more deep and touching and important the friendship is, the more gay it seems. I have even taken to saying "It's like a Star Trek writer wrote that!" when referring to a very gay-scanning friendship in fiction.
Also, I have heard that in later Star Trek episodes, pretty much EVERYONE wanted a regular gay character except for producer Rick Berman, who was a total homophobic jerk. So I suspect some people tried to be sneaky and fit gayness in there. Because honestly, there is no other explanation for some things that happen in DS9 and Voyager.
Of course, the gay friendship thing is especially evident in the pairings of Kirk/Spock, Kirk/McCoy, and Spock/McCoy.
I still want someone to explain the backrub scene to me. Kirk is sitting in his chair complaining of a backache. He knows Spock is standing behind him. Then a female ensign or something comes up (unseen by Kirk) and starts to give Kirk a backrub. Kirk (without looking) thinks it is Spock and says something to that effect, and he is all into it. Then Spock walks forward into Kirk's line of sight, and Kirk realizes he is not, in fact, the backrub giver, and he quickly draws away from the woman giving him a backrub and waves her away. I just thought that was weird. (And SO gay, in case you couldn't guess.)
Also, McCoy always looks SO JEALOUS when those two are together. And his bickering with Spock is the most couple-y thing ever.
So now you know what pairings I like in the original series! Spock/Sulu is also cute, but Sulu never gets enough screentime, poor guy. It's probably Shatner's fault.
I know, I know, Scotty and Chekov get no lovins. But I guess people should put them together because they both have unbearably crappy accents.
The Next Generation:
I think this is the least slashy of the Star Trek series. But come on, Data/Geordi. Obvious! Also, Geordi/Hugh. I don't have strong feelings about these pairings, but they just seem likely. Also, Wesley. Need I say more? What the hell?!
This has nothing to do with pairings, but Riker really irritates me. I don't like ANY Riker pairings! Stupid Riker.
All the actual romances in TNG are kind of irritating. This is one of those shows where I don't really care about the romantic elements.
Although, guiltily, I admit to having vague thoughts about Picard/Jack Crusher.
Deep Space Nine:
Ha ha, my nickname for DS9 is Deep Space Gay, because--well, for obvious reasons.
No one seems to notice the shining and pure bittersweet love of Miles and Julien, but it is the most obvious damn pairing. It has caused me to exclaim aloud more than once, I confess. Especially the "I wish my wife was more like you" moment, and the REALLY WEIRD conversation about how Miles likes Julien more than his wife, yet frantically insists that he does love his wife. And all their private holodeck revels. Mmm hmm. The Alamo? Not. Fooling. Anyone.
The Vorta. Gayest Star Trek race of all time. Every single Vorta--male and female--seems so damn gay. I mean, Weyoun? And he's not even the gayest! Odo/Weyoun 6? It's a beautiful thing.
Second gayest Star Trek race of all time? The Cardassians. In their black leather plating, or whatever those S&M getups are made of. Gul Dukat would do anyone. He seriously has it bad for Sisko, too. I ship Gul Dukat/everyone. And Garak? All right, if that was not intentionally gay, I don't know what is. First meeting with Julien? Very suspicious.
Also, I really like Kira/Odo. Because I am not just talking about gay pairings. And in spite of THE HORRID TAINT OF VIC FONTAINE (you'll know what this means if you have watched the show), it's a very cute romance!
However, Kira seems real gay sometimes, especially for Dukat's daughter, weirdly enough.
Evil!Kira is gay. Ha ha, I know she's very annoying, but I like her.
Weirdly, the actual "lesbian" kiss on DS9 did not seem all that gay. How did they manage that? Both Daxes have a lot of gay potential, though.
Voyager:
Okay, once upon a time I thought about other Voyager pairings, but then Seven of Nine showed up in the series, and every other romance in the show was swallowed by the sheer obviousness of Janeway/Seven.
COME ON! Ugh, it's frustrating that they couldn't make it a real romance. The entire last episode revolves around Janeway as an old woman going back in time and giving up her life to stop Seven of Nine from dying in the past. And it is clear that this is the sole obsession that has haunted her for her WHOLE LIFE, and this is the gayest thing I ever saw on television.
I would touch upon the grand tradition of Star Trek beards, but regardless, in conclusion, we all know that poor Chakotay is the biggest beard of all time.
The End.
Ha ha, I KNOW NO ONE WILL READ THIS. But if you do, don't take it seriously.
[Um, this kind of (unsurprisingly) turned into a review of Star Trek gayness.]
The Original Series:
First of all, I have a theory about Star Trek writers. My theory is that they have difficulty writing friendships that do not scan as gay. And the more deep and touching and important the friendship is, the more gay it seems. I have even taken to saying "It's like a Star Trek writer wrote that!" when referring to a very gay-scanning friendship in fiction.
Also, I have heard that in later Star Trek episodes, pretty much EVERYONE wanted a regular gay character except for producer Rick Berman, who was a total homophobic jerk. So I suspect some people tried to be sneaky and fit gayness in there. Because honestly, there is no other explanation for some things that happen in DS9 and Voyager.
Of course, the gay friendship thing is especially evident in the pairings of Kirk/Spock, Kirk/McCoy, and Spock/McCoy.
I still want someone to explain the backrub scene to me. Kirk is sitting in his chair complaining of a backache. He knows Spock is standing behind him. Then a female ensign or something comes up (unseen by Kirk) and starts to give Kirk a backrub. Kirk (without looking) thinks it is Spock and says something to that effect, and he is all into it. Then Spock walks forward into Kirk's line of sight, and Kirk realizes he is not, in fact, the backrub giver, and he quickly draws away from the woman giving him a backrub and waves her away. I just thought that was weird. (And SO gay, in case you couldn't guess.)
Also, McCoy always looks SO JEALOUS when those two are together. And his bickering with Spock is the most couple-y thing ever.
So now you know what pairings I like in the original series! Spock/Sulu is also cute, but Sulu never gets enough screentime, poor guy. It's probably Shatner's fault.
I know, I know, Scotty and Chekov get no lovins. But I guess people should put them together because they both have unbearably crappy accents.
The Next Generation:
I think this is the least slashy of the Star Trek series. But come on, Data/Geordi. Obvious! Also, Geordi/Hugh. I don't have strong feelings about these pairings, but they just seem likely. Also, Wesley. Need I say more? What the hell?!
This has nothing to do with pairings, but Riker really irritates me. I don't like ANY Riker pairings! Stupid Riker.
All the actual romances in TNG are kind of irritating. This is one of those shows where I don't really care about the romantic elements.
Although, guiltily, I admit to having vague thoughts about Picard/Jack Crusher.
Deep Space Nine:
Ha ha, my nickname for DS9 is Deep Space Gay, because--well, for obvious reasons.
No one seems to notice the shining and pure bittersweet love of Miles and Julien, but it is the most obvious damn pairing. It has caused me to exclaim aloud more than once, I confess. Especially the "I wish my wife was more like you" moment, and the REALLY WEIRD conversation about how Miles likes Julien more than his wife, yet frantically insists that he does love his wife. And all their private holodeck revels. Mmm hmm. The Alamo? Not. Fooling. Anyone.
The Vorta. Gayest Star Trek race of all time. Every single Vorta--male and female--seems so damn gay. I mean, Weyoun? And he's not even the gayest! Odo/Weyoun 6? It's a beautiful thing.
Second gayest Star Trek race of all time? The Cardassians. In their black leather plating, or whatever those S&M getups are made of. Gul Dukat would do anyone. He seriously has it bad for Sisko, too. I ship Gul Dukat/everyone. And Garak? All right, if that was not intentionally gay, I don't know what is. First meeting with Julien? Very suspicious.
Also, I really like Kira/Odo. Because I am not just talking about gay pairings. And in spite of THE HORRID TAINT OF VIC FONTAINE (you'll know what this means if you have watched the show), it's a very cute romance!
However, Kira seems real gay sometimes, especially for Dukat's daughter, weirdly enough.
Evil!Kira is gay. Ha ha, I know she's very annoying, but I like her.
Weirdly, the actual "lesbian" kiss on DS9 did not seem all that gay. How did they manage that? Both Daxes have a lot of gay potential, though.
Voyager:
Okay, once upon a time I thought about other Voyager pairings, but then Seven of Nine showed up in the series, and every other romance in the show was swallowed by the sheer obviousness of Janeway/Seven.
COME ON! Ugh, it's frustrating that they couldn't make it a real romance. The entire last episode revolves around Janeway as an old woman going back in time and giving up her life to stop Seven of Nine from dying in the past. And it is clear that this is the sole obsession that has haunted her for her WHOLE LIFE, and this is the gayest thing I ever saw on television.
I would touch upon the grand tradition of Star Trek beards, but regardless, in conclusion, we all know that poor Chakotay is the biggest beard of all time.
The End.
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no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 05:01 pm (UTC)Haha, okay, Miles/Julian is a forever and bittersweet love.
Just nobody better try to muscle in on their holodeck "together" time!
And I admit, you have given me a Janeway/Seven jones, though all of my information on the subject is second hand!
Picard/Jack Crusher. So brief an encounter. ♥
But dude, I can say nothing re Kirk/Spock/McCoy that is not already known to you. He's a Maneater!
Unlike
RikerPorkroll, who is merely a cheesy manwhore.GREAT POST A+++ WOULD READ AGAIN.
Even if one thing I never want to think about is Scotty/Chekov.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 07:04 pm (UTC)Aww, Mulian. Their love needs more attention, it's so beautiful and many-layered.
Oh man, J/7 is everything you think it is--and more! The blocking of J/7 was perhaps Berman's GREATEST CRIME.
Ha ha, yeah, the other two characters who had the "Riker" kind of role (Kirk and Tom Paris) were both cheesy, but not at all unbearable in the same way.
Sorry about the Scotty/Chekov image, but come on! No one else would want either of them, their accents are just that atrocious. Though--remember James England, my invented British stereotype roommate for Scotty??
Ha ha, Chekov is not even a stereotype, oddly enough. He doesn't do anything "Russian", he just talks in THAT PAINFUL ACCENT--WHY DOES IT HAVE A "W" SOUND WHEN THERE IS NO SUCH SOUND IN THE RUSSIAN LANGUAGE.
Ugh, it's almost as bad as people having a Russian "backwards R" stand in for an English R! ARGH IT IS A VOWEL!
*goes crazy*
no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 09:23 pm (UTC)Especially when that love is Mulian! Or J/7!
He needs to be hated on for his crimes. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
But you know, as for Chekov, if only there there had been some kind of terrible continent jumping accident... what greater service could James T. Kirk have afforded mankind? Well, aside from the whole WHALIEN business. ;3
NUCLEAR VESSELS. Jesus.
Good old pork roll. He has very little game. But more than that sleazy fucker Devinoni Ral! Now that's just sad.
Hahaha, oh man, I wish James England was a real character! And that he had really driven Scotty up the wall when they were at the Academy together! He had coming, what with hanging those ugly tartan curtains and all.
SEVERAL DAYS LETTER (haha, I'm keeping that typo)
Date: 2007-11-20 03:42 pm (UTC)ALSOOOO--
EXISTENTIALISM: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
"IN SEARCH OF LOST TIME", NOT "REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST"--PASSIVE TITLE, WTF?
AND OTHER THINGS THAT ANNOY ME BECAUSE I'M CRAZY.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 06:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 06:53 pm (UTC)And PLEASE! I just finished rewatching Voyager, but I don't know anyone else who has seen it in recent history, so I would LOVE to hear your thoughts/discuss it with you, if you do wish to go on.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 09:07 pm (UTC)i will explain the backrubs to you.
it is because spock knows what his body needs.
this is by far the gayest gay lj entry on reviews of gay trek gayness i have ever read.
now you need another entry dedicated to beards.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 09:26 pm (UTC)And damn if your explanation of the backrubs does not make perfect sense. Honestly, I bet Vulcans give the best backrubs, even though they don't mean to. They just understand backrub logic!
Wow, I actually managed to be superlatively gay!? I guess I am JUST THAT GAY.
The beards of Trek are legion. I don't know if I have the strength of will to give them the coverage they need. And sometimes beards are one-episode characters, which complicates the issue.
But Chakotay being the beard for both Janeway and Seven? That is a mighty feat of bearditude!
no subject
Date: 2007-11-20 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-20 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-20 12:05 pm (UTC)...Well he didn't do a terribly good job about 'removing that characteristic'.
Not that I am complaining in the LEAST bit.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-20 03:22 pm (UTC)I'm glad to hear the first episode with Bashir was intentional, because if that had been an accident, that would be some accident.