Fic: Paean
May. 16th, 2008 06:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
foxysquidalsoTitle: Paean
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Characters, Pairing(s): Hama/Kanna, Katara
Wordcount: 915
Spoilers: For "The Puppetmaster"
Rating: All Ages
Notes: When she meets Katara in the woods, Hama is reminded of a girl she used to know.
Paean.
When I see you for the first time, I know at once who you are. Hidden, I watch you from the trees before I move forward. I watch the firelight on your face. I knew a face much like it so many years ago. I saw the light of fire turn brown skin golden. I saw the light of fire reflected in eyes like yours. I have many bitter memories of fire, but there are a few of them I treasure, like that of firelight gleaming on her long dark hair as she let it down.
The girl who had a face like yours, so many years ago.
I watch you carefully as you walk beside me in the market, when you help me in the kitchen. I notice little things. The way you turn your head, the frown that draws the faintest crease across your brow when you concentrate. These things I recognize, but only in pieces, like a story retold and rearranged. Things added, things taken away.
In some ways it is cruel, this visitation. I ask myself why this happened, why you camped in those woods on that night, when I was there to find you. Every time I look at your face I remember that other girl, the way she smiled at me. She had a funny accent when she first came to live with us, and she never quite lost it entirely. You don't have that accent.
In some ways seeing you is a kindness. Finally I know. I wondered for all these years whether she survived the attack, that time I was taken. Not to mention all the attacks that surely followed. I was the last one left, but I did not think that they would stop coming simply because they had taken away all the Waterbenders. I know those people too well. They are cruel and relentless. They do not stop.
Standing next to you in the kitchen, I ask you about your family. When you tell me, my hands shake a little, but you don't notice, because I am an old woman, and my hands are expected to shake. I don't say anything. What could I say to you? I knew your grandmother, once. Telling you would complicate matters. It's better like this, for many reasons.
She and I were supposed to be like sisters. That was what we said to each other as we clasped hands. Sisters. And I kissed her forehead, and she smiled, and the scent of her skin nearly drove me mad.
I don't wish to tell you, for I know the knowledge would soften you. You are going to travel so far, and you must do so much, Katara. I want your heart to be hard, for it has to be. My heart became as hard as ice. You cannot afford to weaken.
I would lie beside her at night, beneath the furs, and I would press my hand to her chest, just above her heart. "I wish I could Waterbend," she said to me once.
"I'll teach you," I said.
"But I don't have any ability."
"I'll give you some of mine," I laughed, and that was why we began to lie together with my hand over her chest. I could feel her heart beating, the blood moving through her veins. I bit my lip as I concentrated. I was trying to give her my power. At least, that was the reason at first. Looking at you now, I remember those days well, maybe too well. You are a Waterbender. It makes me wonder if perhaps I managed to place some of my gift in her blood after all, where it waited until she passed it on, in secret. I would like that. To be a part of you somehow.
I recognized your face the moment I saw you. I also knew what I must do. For you.
As we move together, as we dance together in the darkness beneath the full moon, I still know my purpose. The chances of us meeting were so slim that I am certain it was fate that brought you to me. This is for your good. You must be strong. You must know that water is life but it is also death. It can nourish you or it can drown you.
They pulled me away from her. She was the last thing I saw, the last thing I want to remember seeing. The water in her eyes--I could have taken it from her, a single drop, a memento, but they had bound my arms by then and I could no longer bend.
When you take the power from me, I can feel it. I can feel it in my heart as you pull the water--the blood--from my hands into your own. I meant for you to do this. You are stronger, but I have more control. So much more, so much so that I choose the moment. I wait until you are angry enough not to hold back. It is good that you surpass me. It's what I want you to do. I look into your eyes. I see them glisten. As I fight back without any desire to win, I see her eyes too. The course her tears took. I have not forgotten it. As I fall to my knees, the sound of the bloodrush rises in my ears to a voiceless scream, and it is almost like singing.
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Characters, Pairing(s): Hama/Kanna, Katara
Wordcount: 915
Spoilers: For "The Puppetmaster"
Rating: All Ages
Notes: When she meets Katara in the woods, Hama is reminded of a girl she used to know.
Paean.
When I see you for the first time, I know at once who you are. Hidden, I watch you from the trees before I move forward. I watch the firelight on your face. I knew a face much like it so many years ago. I saw the light of fire turn brown skin golden. I saw the light of fire reflected in eyes like yours. I have many bitter memories of fire, but there are a few of them I treasure, like that of firelight gleaming on her long dark hair as she let it down.
The girl who had a face like yours, so many years ago.
I watch you carefully as you walk beside me in the market, when you help me in the kitchen. I notice little things. The way you turn your head, the frown that draws the faintest crease across your brow when you concentrate. These things I recognize, but only in pieces, like a story retold and rearranged. Things added, things taken away.
In some ways it is cruel, this visitation. I ask myself why this happened, why you camped in those woods on that night, when I was there to find you. Every time I look at your face I remember that other girl, the way she smiled at me. She had a funny accent when she first came to live with us, and she never quite lost it entirely. You don't have that accent.
In some ways seeing you is a kindness. Finally I know. I wondered for all these years whether she survived the attack, that time I was taken. Not to mention all the attacks that surely followed. I was the last one left, but I did not think that they would stop coming simply because they had taken away all the Waterbenders. I know those people too well. They are cruel and relentless. They do not stop.
Standing next to you in the kitchen, I ask you about your family. When you tell me, my hands shake a little, but you don't notice, because I am an old woman, and my hands are expected to shake. I don't say anything. What could I say to you? I knew your grandmother, once. Telling you would complicate matters. It's better like this, for many reasons.
She and I were supposed to be like sisters. That was what we said to each other as we clasped hands. Sisters. And I kissed her forehead, and she smiled, and the scent of her skin nearly drove me mad.
I don't wish to tell you, for I know the knowledge would soften you. You are going to travel so far, and you must do so much, Katara. I want your heart to be hard, for it has to be. My heart became as hard as ice. You cannot afford to weaken.
I would lie beside her at night, beneath the furs, and I would press my hand to her chest, just above her heart. "I wish I could Waterbend," she said to me once.
"I'll teach you," I said.
"But I don't have any ability."
"I'll give you some of mine," I laughed, and that was why we began to lie together with my hand over her chest. I could feel her heart beating, the blood moving through her veins. I bit my lip as I concentrated. I was trying to give her my power. At least, that was the reason at first. Looking at you now, I remember those days well, maybe too well. You are a Waterbender. It makes me wonder if perhaps I managed to place some of my gift in her blood after all, where it waited until she passed it on, in secret. I would like that. To be a part of you somehow.
I recognized your face the moment I saw you. I also knew what I must do. For you.
As we move together, as we dance together in the darkness beneath the full moon, I still know my purpose. The chances of us meeting were so slim that I am certain it was fate that brought you to me. This is for your good. You must be strong. You must know that water is life but it is also death. It can nourish you or it can drown you.
They pulled me away from her. She was the last thing I saw, the last thing I want to remember seeing. The water in her eyes--I could have taken it from her, a single drop, a memento, but they had bound my arms by then and I could no longer bend.
When you take the power from me, I can feel it. I can feel it in my heart as you pull the water--the blood--from my hands into your own. I meant for you to do this. You are stronger, but I have more control. So much more, so much so that I choose the moment. I wait until you are angry enough not to hold back. It is good that you surpass me. It's what I want you to do. I look into your eyes. I see them glisten. As I fight back without any desire to win, I see her eyes too. The course her tears took. I have not forgotten it. As I fall to my knees, the sound of the bloodrush rises in my ears to a voiceless scream, and it is almost like singing.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 01:22 am (UTC)...And I usually stay clear of First-person POV in fanfiction, but you handled it beautifully. Actually, your writing style suits the perspective very well, it feels so...natural. Flows nicely.
This is so sweet and sad and grim all at once. I love Hama comparing Katara and Kanna, and her twisted logic when forcefully passing bloodbending on to Katara as a way to do one final thing for Kanna.
It makes me wonder if perhaps I managed to place some of my gift in her blood after all, where it waited until she passed it on, in secret. I would like that. To be a part of you somehow.
aksgkashfg I like this especially. :<
My yuri bias is glaringly obvious, as always. But even without it, I would have loved this. And I love it very, very much.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:10 am (UTC)Actually, now that you mention it, I do tend to stick to third person limited with fan and original works. But when the idea popped into my head, it was in first person, so I decided to go with it. I'm pleased you think it worked!
I was so interested by the idea of Hama knowing exactly who Katara was (after all, the resemblance between Kanna and Katara is so strong) that I just had to write something about it.
There's nothing wrong with a yuri bias, certainly! :D
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:14 am (UTC)I was really interested by Hama's motivation in the episode, and the fact that she obviously saw what she was doing as good. So of course I had to write something about it.
And you know I can't resist that unbalanced logic! ;3
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 02:50 am (UTC)first off, love the accent bit. now kanna absolutely has an accent in my mind :]
and it really was so tragically sweet. you write wonderfully.
definitely gonna doodle something inspired by this.
no subject
Date: 2008-05-20 02:17 pm (UTC)I'm glad the story didn't disappoint! And I'm glad you liked the accent part. The two tribes are so far apart, I couldn't help but imagine separate dialects for them.
Oh, and I saw your wonderful sketch. <3 *goes to comment*
no subject
Date: 2008-05-17 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-20 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-27 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 09:10 am (UTC)I really ought to have, because it's one of my favourite bits of yours ever. It's quite something that you can make Hama so sympathetic, and the idea of her loving Kanna so much, that she could pass her waterbending down to Katara, just destrooooys me. And the shaky old-lady hands. D:
no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 07:13 pm (UTC)They made it so clear in the episode that Hama and Kanna were very close, and I know Hama must have treasured the memory of her friend through her long imprisonment, so it must have been huge for her to see Katara, who looks so much like her grandmother that it is obvious they're related. I'd think that anyone with Hama's obsessed mindset would think there was a REASON (all caps and in bold) that Katara had been sent to her.
Just thinking about the awful awful things that happened to Hama make me sad. I think that almost anyone who went through what she experienced would probably be similarly broken. So I find her sympathetic in spite of her actions (kind of like Jet--I know I've seen people compare them before).
I'm thinking of writing kind of a sequel to this. Because it seems to me that when Zuko becomes Fire Lord, he'll probably return all the prisoners of war to their nations of origin, and that should be interesting!
no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 07:25 pm (UTC)I think this is very true. The way Avatar has characters who, through no fault of their own, get completely broken and have no chance to be properly redeemed is kind of awesome, and kind of heartbreakingly sad.
Ahaha, you know on the comm there was something someone had written where Kanna visited Hama in prison and at the end, she just walked away, and it was good but I thought "noooooo..." I *almost* mentioned it in my comment to you, because seriously, they needed to have more of a conversation than that, and I didn't know if it would be MANNIRS to say "foxy foxy write it write it go on" :D
no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 09:06 pm (UTC)Oh! Ha ha, somehow I missed that fic. But I'd better not read it now, so as not to risk influencing my ideas. It's funny that you thought that after reading it! I'm flattered. :D Well, I will do my best to finish the story soon. I do have some thoughts floating around in my head... *ponders*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-14 11:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-29 03:25 am (UTC)