foxysquidalso | Fic: Jet and the Beanstalk

Title: Jet and the Beanstalk
Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Word count: 1,537
Pairing: Jet/Zuko
Rating: G
Summary: A comedic Jet/Zuko retelling of "Jack and the Beanstalk".

boredgods wanted me to write her some Jetko, and this is what happened. Although I don't quite know how... It is completely silly in every way. And even wacky!
Notes: It was really late when I wrote this, and I wrote it rather quickly, because I wanted her to be able to read it tonight. :)

Jet and the Beanstalk.

"Jet," said Zuko, " I want you to go right to the market with this cowbear and sell it. Then, with the money you get, buy us some food." He spoke slowly and clearly. "We really need the food. The larder's all but bare."

"Sure baby, sure," Jet replied easily with a wave of his hand. "Sell the beast at market, buy some chow with the cash. Got it."

Zuko sighed and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Jet. I'd go, but I have to plow the field today."

"Got it." Jet winked. "You get busy plowing that field. I'll be back before night."

***

The sun was setting when Jet stumbled through the cottage door. Zuko looked up from the fire he was starting in the fireplace. "Baby, you wouldn't believe it!" he exclaimed.

"Jet, are you drunk?"

Jet ignored the question. "Look, I know you said to sell the cowbeast for beans, but--" He stopped. "No, that's not right. You said to sell the cowbear for money, didn't you? But what I did was even better. I sold it for beans."

Zuko's answering look was flat. "What?"

"On the way to the market, I met this crazy old Earthbender, and he started telling me about how money doesn't mean anything and it's just a social construct and an illusion. I thought that was pretty cool, so in the end I ended up selling him the cow for some magic beans."

Zuko rose to his feet. "Get. Out."

"But baby--they're magic!"

His protests were to no avail, and he soon found himself outside in the cold with nothing but his magic beans for company. "Stupid beans," he said, then threw them to the ground and stomped on them. Then, because he was actually drunk, he lay down and fell asleep.

***

When Jet sat up and saw a giant beansprout in front of him, big enough to be called a stalk, growing up into the sky, he thought he must be dreaming. He pinched himself, because that was what you were supposed to do when you were dreaming and wanted to wake up. However, the beanstalk didn't disappear. "So this is the beans' magic?" he wondered aloud. "Not that impressive. How is a giant beanstalk gonna get my baby back?" He'd thought the beans would at least grant wishes.

He frowned at the stalk. There weren't even any beans on it that he could see. If he could get enough beans from it, that would count as bringing food back, and then Zuko might forgive him for his poor decision making. He stood and peered up, but he couldn't see any end to the stalk, although the sky was still dark. Maybe there were some beans higher up. Yes, that was an idea. He had to try, at least. Otherwise he'd be sleeping outside for weeks to come, making big eyes at Zuko and hoping for forgiveness.

Jet had his hook swords with him, as always. He wielded them and began to climb. It was easy that way. He didn't need footholds.

The beanstalk was a lot taller than he expected. He felt like he was climbing for hours before he felt something soft against his face and realized it was a cloud. Whatever kind of magic was in those beans, he was glad he hadn't tried to eat them. He'd probably be dead now if he had, with a big stalk growing out of his stomach. And he still hadn't found anything edible growing on the stalk. Stupid magic beans. From now on he was only taking money in return for products.

Finally, he reached the end of his long climb, and to his surprise, he found himself stepping down on solid ground. He hadn't gotten turned around and started climbing down, had he? No way, that was impossible. He wasn't drunk anymore. He was simply--in a new place, it looked like.

As long as he was there, Jet figured he might as well have a look around. There could still be some food or something that he could bring back to his beloved Zuko. Then they could make up, which usually meant having sex. He grinned at the thought.

It wasn't long before Jet found a road. That seemed like a good sign, so he walked down the road until he saw a castle at the end of it. It was a big, red and gold building with a cloud of smoke hanging over it. That smoke didn't look good. But where there was a castle, there was treasure, and where there was treasure, there was something to steal. Zuko would definitely be happy if he brought back some gold or jewels. Imagine all the frogchicken wings and applepears they could eat! They could put an addition on the cottage and lots of other things, but Zuko was better with money, so he could decide all that.

The castle didn't have very good security, so Jet was able to sneak right in. The first room he came to was a banquet hall, and in the middle of it was a long table packed with food of every kind he'd ever seen before, and a few that he hadn't. Jet's stomach growled, and he suddenly remembered that he hadn't had very much to eat the day before, just a few tankards of ale. He looked around carefully. There was no one there. He could afford to steal a few bites before he got down to the important business of swiping stuff.

Several minutes later, when Jet had almost filled his stomach to bursting, he heard a noise behind him and turned. Then he looked up and saw that a giant was standing there. He hadn't realized it before because he'd thought the huge man's leg was a pillar. Kind of a stupid mistake, he had to admit, but he was willing to blame his hunger for his poor judgment. "Hey, so, nice spread you've got here, big guy!" he shouted up at the man.

In response, the giant breathed fire at him, which was pretty rude, even though Jet was an uninvited guest. Fortunately, he was able to jump out of the way in time, and his tunic was only a little bit singed. "That was unnecessary!" Fire giants had the worst tempers. It looked like he was going to have to defend himself. He took up his hook swords. "You're going down, giant!" If he got rid of this giant, he could bring back lots of food and treasure for his baby, with no trouble. Plus, there'd be one less giant in the world. It was a win-win situation. He sank down into a fighting stance. He knew he could take this guy. The fire giant took another deep breath.

"What is going on here?" A familiar voice rang out in the hall.

Jet turned and saw, to his surprise, that Zuko was standing there. "Baby, I can explain!"

He was even more surprised when Zuko turned to address the giant. "Dad, leave him alone. He's my husband."

"Your husband?" the giant growled, folding his arms over his chest. "Zuko, I didn't let you leave home so you could marry a human!"

"Let me leave home? You made me leave!"

Jet lowered his hook swords. It looked like he wasn't about to get fried. But everything wasn't okay just yet. He couldn't take his eyes off Zuko. "You're a fire giant?"

Zuko nodded gravely. "I'm very short for my age."

"Uh, yeah, I guess so." He turned towards the big guy who had just recently tried to make him into toast. "And this is really your dad?"

"Yes, Jet. I'm sorry I didn't tell youth truth right away, but I was afraid of what you might think. Dad made me go down to the human world because I was too small and people up here kept almost stepping on me. So I decided to put my giant heritage behind me and live as a human."

"Yeah, that makes sense," said Jet, although it didn't really. "But since he's your dad and he's rich and we're really hard up right now, why didn't you ask him for some money?" Maybe he should have been mad, but he'd just found out he had a father-in-law who owned a castle.

"That wouldn't have been right," said Zuko. "I have to stand on my own."

"Baby, that's what fathers are for!" He turned to Zuko's father with a wink. "Right, Dad?"

Both Zuko and his father glowered and snorted, but Jet already knew that he had saved the day. Zuko's problem was that he didn't know how to talk to people. But Jet did. Problem solved.

***

"I've gotta say, this was a great idea," Jet said, sprawling out on the ginormous footstool that he'd converted into his swank velvet bed.

"I didn't really want to move back home," said Zuko.

Jet put an arm around him. "Hey, it's only for a little while, baby. Just until we get back on our feet. Right?"

"Right," said Zuko. He didn't sound too sure, but he'd come around eventually, Jet knew. He always did.