Silly I, PI Story
Apr. 7th, 2010 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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redvelvetaddict started writing me a little story on AIM about Bob (from my novel I, Private Eye) reading the other novel set in that universe, A Perfect Accountant. I thought it would be funny to quickly finish it up today, but you probably have to know both stories to get the (very very silly) joke.
I thought I'd post it here, since this is the place for silly things!
Title: Storytime
Word count: 773
Bob laughed. "Ian, there's a character with your name in this book. Isn't that weird?"
Ian looked suspicious. "What book?"
"It's called ... A Perfect Accountant," said Bob. "Wait, you're an accountant too, aren't you?" Bob rambled on, "He kinda reminds me of you sometimes, but some of the things in here aren't fit for tender eyes. You know, there was this one part..." Ian stood slightly pale in shock as he listened, mouth a thin line. Bob stopped in the middle of a rather explicit detail when he noticed Ian's expression. "What's the matter? Don't tell me you kept a potholder from your childhood, too!"
"Give me that!" Ian snatched the book away from Bob, opened it up to a random page, and began to read. As he read, his already thinned mouth grew thinner and thinner. "How could he ... ?" he murmured to himself. "What is--" When he had skimmed a few pages, he looked up, visibly shaken. "What is this book?"
"I told you already. A Perfect Accountant. It says on the cover. Right there, see? I didn't think I had to tell you how books work, Ian--"
"Robert," said Ian, quite severely. "Where did you get this book?"
"Uh--Atari gave it to me," said Bob, sheepishly.
"I'm confiscating it." Ian snapped the book shut and tucked it under his arm.
"Hey, you can't do that. You're not the police. Accountants can't confiscate stuff!"
Ian shrugged. "I'm making a citizen's confiscation."
"I don't think that's a real thing," said Bob, but he didn't sound too sure. "And I haven't gotten to the end yet! You can't take a guy's book if he hasn't finished it. How am I gonna find out what happens? I want to know if Ian and--" He broke off when he saw the look on Ian's face, which had suddenly become severe enough to necessitate a severe thunderstorm warning on all the major channels.
"Do go on," Ian commanded, icy.
Bob went on, but slowly, as if expecting to be struck by lightning at any moment. "You know I don't approve of the Mob. But since it's a work of fiction and not at all true in any way, I was kind of hoping..." Bob pursed his lips as a thought occurred to him. He blinked. "Hey! That's funny."
"What's funny?" Ian did not appear to find anything in the least bit amusing.
"Oh, not funny ha ha. I mean weird funny. Like when there's something that shouldn't be real, but then it is? I was thinking it was weird funny that the main character guy in the book is named Frieda the Ca--"
"Enough!" snapped Ian.
"But you asked me to say!" Bob's tone was wounded. "You can't ask somebody to say something and then yell at them for it."
Ian glowered and brooded and seemed to be considering something very seriously. At last, he said in a low voice, "Yes."
"Yes what? Yes, you can't ask somebody to say something and then yell at them for it? Because if so, I completely agree with you."
"I mean yes, they unite happily."
"Who?"
"The characters in the book, Robert."
"You've read it before! You didn't tell me that. Okay then, since you're citizen's confiscating it, tell me what happens to the other guys."
"Which 'other guys'?" Ian had the air of a man who had started a conversation he didn't want to finish.
"You know, the brothers. And Serena. And the FBI agent. She was my favorite. Upholding the law and everything. Oh yeah, and that jerk rival accountant--what was his name? Started with a C, I think."
"At the end, everyone's fine," said Ian, tiredly.
"Even the villain? No way!"
"The 'villain', as you put it, was unharmed, but prevented from harming anyone else."
"Great! That's my favorite kind of ending."
"I know it is, Bob." Ian managed a weak smile. "The book ends very happily. You don't have to worry."
"Happily ever after?" asked Bob, hopefully.
Ian's smile faded. His eyes darkened. The storm warning had returned, in full effect. "Oh no," he said. "Not that."
Bob drew back, a little uneasy.
Hurricane Ian evaporated as suddenly as it had formed, and Ian smiled again, a bit sunnily this time, uncharacteristically enough. "If you'll excuse me, Robert, I have an appointment with a client."
Bob was not reassured. "Wait, but isn't your client--"
That accountant's smile was actually a lot more frightening than his frown. "Yes," said Ian. "Yes indeed."
As Ian left, Bob reflected that this was the first time he'd ever felt sorry for a Mob boss.
redvelvetaddict started writing me a little story on AIM about Bob (from my novel I, Private Eye) reading the other novel set in that universe, A Perfect Accountant. I thought it would be funny to quickly finish it up today, but you probably have to know both stories to get the (very very silly) joke.I thought I'd post it here, since this is the place for silly things!
Title: Storytime
Word count: 773
Bob laughed. "Ian, there's a character with your name in this book. Isn't that weird?"
Ian looked suspicious. "What book?"
"It's called ... A Perfect Accountant," said Bob. "Wait, you're an accountant too, aren't you?" Bob rambled on, "He kinda reminds me of you sometimes, but some of the things in here aren't fit for tender eyes. You know, there was this one part..." Ian stood slightly pale in shock as he listened, mouth a thin line. Bob stopped in the middle of a rather explicit detail when he noticed Ian's expression. "What's the matter? Don't tell me you kept a potholder from your childhood, too!"
"Give me that!" Ian snatched the book away from Bob, opened it up to a random page, and began to read. As he read, his already thinned mouth grew thinner and thinner. "How could he ... ?" he murmured to himself. "What is--" When he had skimmed a few pages, he looked up, visibly shaken. "What is this book?"
"I told you already. A Perfect Accountant. It says on the cover. Right there, see? I didn't think I had to tell you how books work, Ian--"
"Robert," said Ian, quite severely. "Where did you get this book?"
"Uh--Atari gave it to me," said Bob, sheepishly.
"I'm confiscating it." Ian snapped the book shut and tucked it under his arm.
"Hey, you can't do that. You're not the police. Accountants can't confiscate stuff!"
Ian shrugged. "I'm making a citizen's confiscation."
"I don't think that's a real thing," said Bob, but he didn't sound too sure. "And I haven't gotten to the end yet! You can't take a guy's book if he hasn't finished it. How am I gonna find out what happens? I want to know if Ian and--" He broke off when he saw the look on Ian's face, which had suddenly become severe enough to necessitate a severe thunderstorm warning on all the major channels.
"Do go on," Ian commanded, icy.
Bob went on, but slowly, as if expecting to be struck by lightning at any moment. "You know I don't approve of the Mob. But since it's a work of fiction and not at all true in any way, I was kind of hoping..." Bob pursed his lips as a thought occurred to him. He blinked. "Hey! That's funny."
"What's funny?" Ian did not appear to find anything in the least bit amusing.
"Oh, not funny ha ha. I mean weird funny. Like when there's something that shouldn't be real, but then it is? I was thinking it was weird funny that the main character guy in the book is named Frieda the Ca--"
"Enough!" snapped Ian.
"But you asked me to say!" Bob's tone was wounded. "You can't ask somebody to say something and then yell at them for it."
Ian glowered and brooded and seemed to be considering something very seriously. At last, he said in a low voice, "Yes."
"Yes what? Yes, you can't ask somebody to say something and then yell at them for it? Because if so, I completely agree with you."
"I mean yes, they unite happily."
"Who?"
"The characters in the book, Robert."
"You've read it before! You didn't tell me that. Okay then, since you're citizen's confiscating it, tell me what happens to the other guys."
"Which 'other guys'?" Ian had the air of a man who had started a conversation he didn't want to finish.
"You know, the brothers. And Serena. And the FBI agent. She was my favorite. Upholding the law and everything. Oh yeah, and that jerk rival accountant--what was his name? Started with a C, I think."
"At the end, everyone's fine," said Ian, tiredly.
"Even the villain? No way!"
"The 'villain', as you put it, was unharmed, but prevented from harming anyone else."
"Great! That's my favorite kind of ending."
"I know it is, Bob." Ian managed a weak smile. "The book ends very happily. You don't have to worry."
"Happily ever after?" asked Bob, hopefully.
Ian's smile faded. His eyes darkened. The storm warning had returned, in full effect. "Oh no," he said. "Not that."
Bob drew back, a little uneasy.
Hurricane Ian evaporated as suddenly as it had formed, and Ian smiled again, a bit sunnily this time, uncharacteristically enough. "If you'll excuse me, Robert, I have an appointment with a client."
Bob was not reassured. "Wait, but isn't your client--"
That accountant's smile was actually a lot more frightening than his frown. "Yes," said Ian. "Yes indeed."
As Ian left, Bob reflected that this was the first time he'd ever felt sorry for a Mob boss.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-08 03:31 am (UTC)Oh a citizen's confiscation, I do believe I've heard of those in extreme circumstances ;3
OMG Bobbbb I was hoping they would get together TOO. He is so dense, I love him.
HAHAHA I FEEL SORRY FOR THAT MOB BOSS, TOO <3
no subject
Date: 2010-04-08 03:40 am (UTC)<3<3<3
no subject
Date: 2010-04-08 12:06 pm (UTC)